My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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