I wanna passion pit in your ass
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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