I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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