If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize