The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So. Much. Porn.
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