Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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