drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
