the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
