When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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