i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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