theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
