So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
