Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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