3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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