fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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