you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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