Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
