If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
