is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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