You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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