plz talk dirty to me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
