Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
