We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
