In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
