Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize