i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
