So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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