Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
