So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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