If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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