do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
