I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
