I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
