Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
