I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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