before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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