I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
