I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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