At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
