Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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