i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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