new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
