we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize