come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
