i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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