Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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