You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
