i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
