I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Barsexuality is the new black.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
