pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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