I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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