careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
