I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
