worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
