last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
