Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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