I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
