I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He did a backflip because drugs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize