he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
