You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to calm my uterus...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
