I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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