The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize