I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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