He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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