it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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