Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
