dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
