took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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