I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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