You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
