I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
