So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
