my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
