I haven't been this sober since birth.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize