I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
