but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
