I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
