Christians are straight up FREAKS
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
