i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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