Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize