I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
