Can i not drive my cunt home
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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