just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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