The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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