I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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