i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
