hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
