Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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