My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
