We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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