Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize