tell your sister to shave her snatch
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
