guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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