Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
