my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
