At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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