First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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