The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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