worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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