therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
