well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
