Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
