I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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