FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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