$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
