You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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